Soundtrack to my feelings?

Sometimes coincidences are a strange thing...
Right now I am sitting with the laptop (which come to think of it seems quite obvious) and of course iTunes is playing random songs, and suddenly it selects Alicia Keys with Fallin'...
Now this happens to fit my state of mind quite good... 'caus I was actually just sitting and thinking about the Shy one. I haven't mailed with her for about a week I think - and I am really looking forward to hearing from her: Everytime I check my mailbox and find messages from what seems to be every other living being on the entire planet I get a bit disappointed...

When she gets back to the office I think I will have to call her... even got a good and work-related reason/excuse for it... but of course the real reason is to hear her voice, to try and figure out if it is only me thinking these thoughts... Also these days I'm keeping my fingers crossed - 'caus there might be a good reason for my work to ship me to Brussels soon (for a few days)... and in Brussels I've got friends I don't get to see often enough - but more importantly in Brussels there is the Shy one... And maybe, just maybe, I can find a way to go out with her... maybe even ask her on a date ... or at least make sure we can go to a bar with some of her girlfriends whom I also happen to know... one thing is for sure: I need to find out soon if there is a realistic chance for something between us or not.

"I keep on fallin ... iiiiinn..... in love...with a you/ Sometimes I love you/ sometimes you make me blue"

... Damn - it could almost be the soundtrack to my feelings these days... I haven't even been trying with any other girls since (not counting the Slovenian of course) the conference... og ok, to be honest there was two... but even then I didn't really try...

.... Hmmm I think I have to take care right now... so that I don't end up falling in love with the idea of falling for her... instead of listening to my feelings next time I see her... even though it is hard to do when you dream of her many nights.

The Unexpected, the Cat, the Slovenian and the Shy one

It is strange - sometimes it seems like there are no girls even remotely interesting around, and at other times there are several girls on my minds. Though some of them are geographically closer than others - and that one if them is definetely not an option for anything but sex...

Right now there are primarily four girls:

The unexpected
Suddenly realized that the Unexpected is due back home quite soon. She has been posted in Brussels (funny how things seems to always be connected to that city) and last time I was there we met. First for lunch and then for just a beer with a couple of her friends. The friends eventually left, and suddenly something happened between us - which I guess surprised both of us. It certainly wasn't planned - and although I know she once was really interested in me, there has never been anything more than a few kisses and some remarks between us - other than the friendship.
What we are going to do now none of seems to know... and since she was almost done with her posting we sort of decided to not deal with until she came home - which will happen soon. And I really don't know what to think or feel about it.
Of course there is also a bit of a complication concerning the unexpted - a friend of mine has had a crush on her for years, and is for some reason still hoping for the possibility of a romance with her. It won't happen of course - since she is not in love with him... but sometimes it's hard to be rational when feelings are involved. However, it does complicate it all a bit. For now he is in the dark about the two of us... and if we decide to act on it when she gets back - we will probably still keep it hidden from him for some time.... but again that is if we act on it... shiiit, I'm confused about it

The Cat
It sort of happened a bit out of the blue, although we have been talking about it before - but next week I've got a lunch-date with the Cat. Wonder how that will turn out...
Just got to remember to behave - since I know her through a frien.

The Slovenian
I wrote a bit with the Slovenian on messenger the other day. Our 'conversation' made me wonder what I have gotten myself into - but also made me glad that apparently I am not the only one who has given it a thought after it happened.
We had not talked for long before the conversation was changed from 'Hey, how are you doing?' to something else:

The Slovenian: Do you miss it here?
Llama: Why? Do you miss me? ;-)
The Slovenian: :-) - well do you?
Llama: Hard not to - with the nature, the weather... and... well, you know ;-)
The Slovenian: Then come back!
Llama: Jawohl! - No seriously I am quite sure that I will
The Slovenian: Good!
The Slovenian: And when you do come - Call me! Seriously

... and the rest will be left out for reasons of privacy ;-)

But I know that I am going back there (not because of here... but because I like the place - and know some people there)... the question is just what to do with... well her? (not least if I am succesfull with the Shy one - or one of the others)
Well, guess time will tell - it will sort of have to, wont it?

The Shy one
Communications between us right now is mostly via mail - but can't really wait 'till she gets back to the office - so that I can invent some sort of excuse to talk to her on the phone (I've said it before - we are behaving like a couple of teenagers)... and then I've also got to work on the excuse to be sent to Brussels again (especially since a friend of mine is being posted there)

Is it really that strange that I am bit confused?

Not again!

Damn I’m so tired right now.

My weekend was spent in the other end of the country – and started with the wedding of a friend and colleague. At first it was a bit strange – it seemed like most of the friends and family of both the bride and the groom had never met before, and so hardly anybody knew anything substantial about the history of ‘the other side’. It was also strange since I also know the ex-husband of the bride and was asked by quite a few how he was doing – just like for some reason people expected me to know everything about the groom and his history.

It turned out great however – the wine was good and the food was great (well the cook used to own a restaurant that earned Michelin-star – so it should be). And there were actually lots of nice people there – which helped make it fun.

Only one thing seemed to be missing – available girls my age. There was only one, she turned up at the church in a stunning dress – and immediately my attention was caught. That lasted briefly however, since she hung around one of the guys a lot – so I kind of dropped the idea. But it quickly turned out it wasn’t because he was her boyfriend – he was her cousin. So suddenly the game was on again.

And yes – who was seated right in front of me? Her of course! So I thought Yes, sweet, here I am sitting with the most beautiful woman in front of me, she is 20-22, I am 26 – and no competition nearby. So we talked quit a bit, but then one of the other guys at the table asked her – well how old are you? And then answer kind of put a stop to the game really quickly – 17! Argh not again I thought – I could have sworn she was older, her body and the way she behaved all pointed to at least twenty, but no siree. So end of game, or at least almost – there was still room for small amounts of flirtation but nothing more than that. But hey it is probably also better – I mean I think my life is messed up enough on that point right now.

But all in all it was actually a great wedding – and it was nice to see family members actually being genuinely happy to see each other – and just enjoying the party. It is so different from how my own family would do it – for some reason there always seem to be some sort of duty-feeling about most events with the family, and few people seem to dare to actually just enjoy the occasion.

But hey, now I’ve seen how a socially functional family actually operates – and I must say: “I want one of those”. At least I think I do.

------------
Anyway the following day I went to se a friend who lives nearby – and of course we ended up talking about this and that and drinking a bit too much wine. So today I have been drained of energy, but have somehow still managed to stay quite productive, God only knows how.

Now all I can think of is finding some food and then getting some sleep – I do so not want to go to work tomorrow.

How I envied that droplet of sweat

Funny thing how what seems to be the smallest and most insignificant things can make you stop and wonder.

While I was packing the bag for this weekend my hand stumbled upon something - half a pack of condoms. They probably slipped down in one of the pockets during my last use of the bag (and of the condoms). In itself nothing special - having some condoms lying around is after all quite a smart thing to do.
However these condoms made me think about the last girl I used them with - the Slovenian. A few hours earlier I had finally taken the time to browse through my photos from the conference (and not least all the sight seeing) - and there she was as well: the Slovenian. Standing in a stream in the forrest looking at me, smiling. I edited the picture, cut away the other people there so that in the end there was only her - standing and smiling to me.

I remember taking the picture; remember walking along the river with her on our way to the waterfall. This was early in our flirt - I actually think it was the time we found out how well we connected. Later it evolved and that was what came back to me when I found the rest of the condoms.
Suddenly I could close my eyes and see her very clearly: The belly piercing, her eyes - and the droplets of sweat that ran down her neck. I envied those droplets, she had a nice neck - and it was a nice journey down it.
But shit, why do I suddenly remember her this clearly? And why do I so long to feel her hands running up and down my back again - maybe because I know it probably won't happen again? (or maybe it will... you never know).
Or is it because it was passion more than feelings - and that I long for the sudden chemistry, the push-pull and the forgetting the age difference between us?
If not, could it be because of the contrast to my what-ever-it-is-I-have-going-with - with the Shy onethe Slovenian it was so much easier. We played the game but we both knew it. With the Shy one it is more difficult and slower - though we have been mailing together today as well.

OMG I could use that burning passion right now - just like I would be great if the Shy one had just a little bit of the daring and bad-girl attitude of the Slovenian.

But well let's see what the future brings (and how soon I can find and excuse to be sent to Brussels - so that I can hopefully close the deal with the Shy one.)...

Two different types of flirtation

Flirtation comes in many different forms: Sometimes it feels natural and with sparks flying from the start - but sometimes it is more insecure, both persons wanting to flirt, but somehow not quite knowing how to make it start.
Looking back my romance with the Slovenian fell in to the first category while my what-ever-it-is with the Shy One definetely fits more with the second category. Some of was the difference between a one-night that is more passionate than normal and then an attraction both parts might not quite understand - but that might lead to an actual serious relationship:

I have been mailing and awfull lot with the Shy One these past few days - which of course is not the worst thing to do.
It has however been a strange way of mailing: Of course there has been the all to familiar work-related topics - but now mixed with more personal communications, but on a weird "we are 12 years old and don't really now how to behave in front of each other"-level. I wonder what it will be like when we are suddenly face to face again - and when that will happen... hopefully it will not be long. I know I will do what I can to be sent to Brussels for a meeting or something - or else I have to pay my self and come up with some sort of new excuse.

She is fascinating and not only because some of the guys at the Brussels office claim that she cannot be seduced, let alone taken to bed - but because she is both intelligent and independent and just has got that special something. Oh yeah and then of course she's got a killer body but apparently without even knowing it her self.
The case is, if I do end up doing something with her it should be more than just a fling - she is actual girl friend-material and I think I will probably have to find a way to let her know that before anything serious happens.

At the same time she is so different from the Slovenian - the other girl I was flirting with at the conference. They are so opposite, and yet I was attracted to them both - but in very different ways. It confused me a bit and actually still confuses me, but maybe it's a sign that I am finally opening my eyes and realizing the opportunities around me.
(Oh yeah and at the same time I am looking forward to the Slovenian coming back from holidays and logging on to messenger - 'caus that will definetely be an .... uhm.. interesting experience I think...)


But why am I writing and thinking about all this and in this way? Somehow it seems so much clearer to me that it used to do - even though there a definetely also complications that I haven't mentioned here yet. Could it be - am I on my way to overcoming my fear of being happy with girl (be it for a long time or just for a night)? Boy, that would be nice...

demoralized

This weather is demoralizing - I might still be sitting inside... but thoughts are already outside. I think they might be wandering around in the streets - enjoying the sun and quite possibly looking at cute girls - 'caus they sure as hell ain't here.

There are no obvious tasks to do... and I am not feeling terribly creative right now (which is a probably when being creative is part of your job-description)

In about an hour I know what to do - head down to some of the cafees near the water and enjoy a cold beer with a friend of mine. But until then?

I know I should be writing something - but what?

... well, better get back to (pretending to) work.

My friend the Sun

Since I have officialy dedicated this summer to writing on my thesis - and without much to show for it yet - the sun today has been god.

And why has the sun improved your thesis, dear Llama are you probably about to ask, so let me quickly answer: no, it is not because it i solar-powered thesis - it has actually got nothing to do with solar power at all.
But, when it is sunny I go out to the garden to read in the sun - and even if it is not writing on my thesis, it is still working it. When reading some of the gazilion volumes of books that have taken over my small home (helped along by the stacks of paper) at least my mind starts to focus on my thesis and on all the questions and answers and points that I need to include - and that's a good thing, isn't it?

It also gives me the feeling of at least doing something about it, and that actually makes it easier for me to write down notes and bits of the text for it.

... oh and then of course it improves my tan... and that is truly important! (living in a rather cold northern country the sun is something you can truly come to miss)

How lazy can you be?

... apparently very.

This sunday I have done absolutely nothing, except of course watching television and sleeping.

Woke up at about 10:15 and could still feel the alcohol from last nights party - but unfortunately I was sober enough to feel the pain in my head. Decided there was no sense in being awake yet, so I roller over on the other side and slept on.

Next time I opened my eyes it was a about to o'clock, the alcohol had finally left my body and the pain in my head had worsened. Went to the bathroom, managed to find some pain killers (the kind that actually works - but are for some unknown reason not sold in this country) - and brought out the coke from my fridge. Went back to bed, downed the pills with some coke turned out the music, spent 5 minutes trying to ignore my headache... and then fell a sleep once again.

About two hours later the sound of text message on my mobile woke me up once again (otherwise I think I could have slept through the day completely) and i realized that the pain in my head was almost gone.
From there on I didn't do anything but watch TV and/or sitting in front of the computer. My diet consisted of more coke and a bag of crisps (I know, I am so healthy). Considered going across the street to the pizza-place to get the usual junk food treatment - but realized that I was to tired and lazy so I just stayed in.

And so ends the tale of my very active day - since I am now tired once again (really have been all day) I think I will just go and get some sleep... I'll programme the TV to turn it self of, so I can fall a sleep to the really not very good domestic 'horror' movie they are showing rigth now.

... oh and what does Llamas count when they want to sleep?

Giving something back to the community?

So today is the day... There is the big summer-party in the part of town where I live - so no need to worry about what I will be doing.

Live music, lots of people, different tents and bars - it should be able to create som fun. Add to this that some of us are starting with a Barbecue before going to one of the bars to do some volunteer work.

For a party this big volunteers are needed - so of course I thought - well, why not give a little bit back to the community? Of course others claim that I am only doing it to get to flirt with as many girls as possible - or to make sure that I am never far away from the beer.

But seriously I'm just doing it because it is normally a lot of fun and all the other stuff is just an added bonus. Oh yeah, and then I can actually claim to be a little active in the community - not much, but just enough maybe.

Anyway, better get out of here and go shopping for the essentials: aka Coke and crisps for tomorrow 'morning' - where there might be a slight chance of hangovers...


Oh yeah and let's see if I can get through the party without even thinking about either the Slovenian or the Shy one... 'caus right now I would really like to have one of them with me...

Back to the real world

Woke up pretty early today, ate breakfast outside and then went inside to sit in front of the computer...
Answered emails and started checking the news... damn it was actually nice to be more or less away from it all - but now I have quite som catching-up to do.

When I couldn't delay it anymore I set course for the local Mall - I had to hand in a film, see if my sandals can be repaired (apparently walking and climbing with them in warm weather and through cold water was a bit to much for them) - and then check out the sale that started today.

Result: One new set of pants (actually some what identical to some I allready have), a new pair of shorts, some new boxers and a couple of short-sleeved shirts. Cost: it's a secret, but let's just say it was more than the 100 euros I had set as a limit for myself...

Now I'm back home - and looking at the chaos that I call home, maybe I should finish un-packing and then start to tidy up a bit. Or maybe I should even start the big cleaning of my home - seriously there's so much I need to see if I still need to keep. Old notes and articles, a few books and brochures that I have no need for and then of course a ton of old magazines. Some of it has got to go.

But now I better turn to the unpacking so that it can be done with in an hour... 'caus then I'm going to the gym... yeah... (after a bit more than a week without training my muscles are almost begging me to be used)
-------

... oh yeah, also did a bid of e-mailing with the shy one - she tried to persuade me to do some work with the words: It would make me really really happy (is that enough persuation?!?)
And of course it is enough persuasion - 'caus I really, really wants to make her happy... LOL

Two girls - two different sides of me?

Damn it, why do they keep turning up in my thoughts?

I had seperate dreams about them last night (and the night before that) and even when I have been awake they have been there - somewhere in the back om my mind... suddenly appearing. Argh.

The thing is they are so different - and so are my attraction to them:

The shy one is actual girl-friend material I think: She is so cool, with out trying to be so, she can be funny - and then she is intellectually as sharp as a surgeons knife. And then of course she looks really good - and has the most amazing brown eyes.
So the attraction is both physical and intellectual - I think I've gotta find a way to get to Brussels soon, so that I can see her again (and hopefully test the romance-potential...)

With The Slovenian however it is different: I think it is much more based on physical attraction, at least so it was with the flirting. Because of her age it has a taste of being forbidden - at least I feel it is a no-go - and yet the game started and continued evolving, even though I didn't really think it was a good idea, at the same time I couldn't (wouldn't?) stop it.
She is in many ways the opposite of the shy one - wild and unpredictible and yet longing for the stronger side of me.

One intellectual and cool - and in some ways very similar to me (rootless, like to read books are not consideret proper intellectual reading, but not wanting to read Harry Potter - mostly because everyone else is reading it).
The other wilder and the artist type (she is in some sort of art school; does paintings and graffiti) - and well appealing to my macho side and the intense games that can be played out. Oh yeah and then she is also doing some media work... which is just like me (not because you need to do it - but because it is fun). With her it is not a relationship that comes to mind (even if she was closer to my age) - but more a passionate affair.

I think I'd like to see them both again... but do they really have to haunt me like this?

Claws...

Just had a shower, a shave and cut my finger nails - so now I actually feel human again. I was so tired when I finally got back yesterday that I did not even bother to turn on the water...

Anyway, cutting my nails was a great idea. I had cut them down before leaving to Slovenia - but somehow in only one week they had managed to grow into claws... not what's up with that?
I mean it is not very nice to run around with claws...

Girls and conferences

I just got back from a conference and some meetings abroad, and I think I must have slept for at least 12 hours last night. Even though it was labelled under the ‘work’ category it also left room for fun and enjoyment – and ended up in dinners or talks till 3 o’clock in the morning most of the days.

Besides the more official part of it all it also left me wondering, amused and a bit curious – primarily caused by three very different girls.

OMG-girl

I had noticed her the day before, mostly because I couldn’t really figure out where she was from or whom she was with – which normally a good thing to know at these events. So I was kind of curious and had no objections when I was asked something by someone there, which of course gave me amble opportunity to not only study her, but also to make a funny remark or two and gain the attention of them all, while making sure to try and ignore the girl I was curious about. It went quite well – I had a chance to look a little closer at her, found out she was from Slovenia, got a you-are-interesting-smile from the girl and was preparing to leave their table again.

But then for some reason the question came up as to how old she (the Slovenian) was – and I was of course asked to try to guess it (don’t you just hate that?). Looking at her I would say 20-21 years old, but to my chock she was actually still only 17 years! I remember thinking something like “OMG, good thing I knew this before I started hitting on her”, since I’m not really in to dating girl who are 9-10 years my juniors (I think I’ll wait with that till I’m in my thirties or forties).

The shy one – part I

This of course made me drop the idea about doing any sort of real flirting, let alone physical activity, with the Slovenian. My focused moved to the shy one – a tall, intelligent and quite sexy-looking girl from our offices in Brussels. For some reason she was not only a bit shy but also didn’t really seem to know that she had a natural beauty that could so easily be turned into I-am-the-sexiest-girl-around-here-looks – and this of course also helped stir my interest. These girls are often interesting and/or challenging flirts – because they sometimes just don’t realise that we guys are actually flirting with them, which of course makes the game a bit more unpredictable.

OMG-girl part II

However as the conference unfolded the Slovenian did not seem to be so willing as me to let it pass and say “hey, this is just another five-minute conference flirt and nothing more than that”.

And of course the situation was also affected by the fact that chemistry seemed to develop between us and even if I did not act so much on it, she did.

Not to my liking I found myself actually dreaming about her the following night – nothing romantic, mostly just physical – and wondering a bit what the F#%& kind of game I had running with her. Especially since we made sure to exchange contact-information, something I normally don’t do with flirts I intend to let remain flirts. And besides, what should we use it for? I mean you don’t just fly out for a weekend booty-call with a 17 year old – and I don’t have plans for going to Slovenia anytime soon (which will probably make her boyfriend very happy).

And come on, she is only 17 years old and people had noticed her ‘hunting’ me – And I would not like to get a name for chasing the young girls at conferences and meetings (there are plenty of these guys out there already). Yet I can’t quite seem to shake her – maybe I should have just slept with her to get it out of the system? Maybe I’ll just do that when (if) I see her again – because I somehow think our paths shall cross again.

Damn, this girl still confuses me – what the heck is up with that? I mean seriously don’t get confused over girls her age… I haven’t even slept with a teenager since I turned 20 I think (which is quite some years ago now) and normally prefer women to be about 25-35 years old. Weird shit.

The Blonde

The third girl that made it interesting is the Blonde. Just like me she has been around this environment for ever– even though we are both still rather young.

We know many of the same people and have been part of the same group going out partying till early morning at these events (this is where you actually do the networking and make the deals – forget the official parts) – and more importantly she knows how to play the game just as well as me. This I now since we have had our share of conflicting interests – but have maintained to keep smiling and enjoying each others company while trying to outmanoeuvre the other part.

Any way according to some of my female friends that attended the same conference she has the biggest crush on me (as usual several women can see it – while us men apparently hasn’t got a clue) – and was really, really hostile towards them just for talking to me.

Seriously I really didn’t know – and they were talking about it like it was so obvious. I started to look for signs when we had dinner together after the conference (the sort of ‘spontaneous’ dinner for a select few, that you can’t really say no to participate in), and sure enough she managed to place herself right next to me, and sat very close, making sure she ‘accidentally’ touched me all the time. I know it’s evil to say it – but it was actually quite funny: She is a nice enough girl, and I wouldn’t totally rule out sleeping with her at some point– but not there and then and then strictly for sex. I think it would have to be a little more discreet (but only a little, because I know some people who would be absolutely terrified about just the idea of us to together… and I’d actually like to see their desperate plays if they though it could happen).

Bottom line: I am so going to take advantage of this opening if I get the opportunity, both in the more serious way and then maybe in bed ;-). It is a hard world we live in, and a competitive environment we do our business in – she knows it as well as me.

But still, it was quite funny – and caused me to ponder a bit about our earlier meetings.

The shy one –part II

Just like with the the Blonde, I knew the shy one prior to the conference (though I hadn’t really known for that long – she is still fairly new at the Brussels office and we had mostly just talked on the phone or sent mails back and forth) and knew that I would probably try something – if for nothing else then because some of the guys working in Brussels claimed it could not be done by any one and that she probably didn’t even think about sex. Well they were wrong, of course she does that (a quite natural thing to do for human being, right?) – And apparently she was also prepared for the possibility of some non-intellectual meetings. I mean, why else walk around with condoms in your wallet? (But of course she should know that this is not exactly the place to keep that kind of stuff since it will increase the chances of them breaking – which you are really not interested in them doing).

Unfortunately we never came near to using her condoms, but I will take it as challenge I think – and besides I do come to Brussels quite often, so I will get the chance again. She will be mine, she has to – ‘caus she would look so good on my bed. LoL

A question of Grapes?

There is a question that's been on my mind for some time: Why is it that dark (Red, Blue, Black or whatever you will call them) are so much better than the green ones? At least that's how it seems to be this summer.
The green ones might be all right - but that's it! The dark ones however have so much more taste and character.

So why is it that all the supermarkets around here seem to have suddenly switched to selling only green (or white) grapes? Is it some sort of conspiracy? Don't they know that I need my fix?


Confused? Well, maybe I should explain: It all started out with me developing a severe case of grape-addiction some time during the spring. I've allways eaten grapes but that has sort of been it - unless they were destined for winemaking they were just, well grapes, to me. But then it all changed:

It was a somewhat grey Tuesday afternoon and I had actually only entered the local super market to buy som pasta - but on my way to the pasta I passed the Fruit and Vegetable department. And there they were - the grapes.
Actually it was a small mountain of them: Dark and seedless grapes from Chile. I stopped, picked one up and studied it for a while, and then decided to buy some. And right there and then I was hooked. Since that day I have bought what must be a gazilion grapes.

The grapes has followed me out into the garden, or been with my at my desk when I've been writing till past midnight.

Some to think of it, maybe I should confess - I am a Llama, and I am addicted to black, seedless grapes. There, I said it. Now give back my black grapes!

Damn - not again

Damn, why does it have to rain again - couldn't somebody please tell the weather that it's supposed to be summer?

Well on the plus-side at least I'm sitting inside - so for now I am dry (but I fear that it will change when I leave the office and head on home).

Even though it is not only Sunday but also in my vacation period I've just finished a meeting. I had to show one of new guys how to use the ONM-system. He will be starting at the Brussels-office in August, and apperently I am to only who actually knows the system well enough to try and teach him how to operate it. I hate the ONM. Mostly because it is sort of half-finished and for the past two years we have been talking about switching to a different system. Every time we ask about when it will be done we are told that it is only a few weeks away - so the girl leading our Brussels office (and normally instructing new employees) has always post-poned learning the system. I don't really blame her, I mean who would want to spend time on a system that you are about to cease using? But of course, since we are still using it, there needs to be someone at the Brussels office who can operate it.
And apperently I need to be the one to give instructions, even in my vacation. Who the phuck got the strange idea that I am tech/computer-wizard?

God I actually think we will open some champagne when we finally abandon the ONM (but of course, as I learned when I was working in Brussels - there is always an excuse for drinking champagne... )

Other than that I've just been taking notes for my thesis and editing some web-pages.

Oh, and didn't really get much thinking done - but I did dream about L, boy what a dissapointment when I woke up and found myself alone. I am kind of looking forward to seeing her next week - especially since her boyfriend will not be there ...

And now it's raining even heavier: Damn - not again.

So are you going to stand like that forever?

My Friday started of with me heading for the gym in the morning, lifting some weights and not-thinking. Once back home I took one look at the blue sky and the tempting rays of sunshine – and headed for the garden.

In almost no time at all I managed to spread out a blanket on the lawn, drag my laptop outside, locate my sunglasses (well hidden below a few books), put some grapes in a bowl and then place my self beneath the sun. For some hours I lay there writing and reading a bit, and actually only finished it when I did because I had plans for the evening.

Next step on the agenda was heading for my grandmother’s place – it was her 85^th birthday, I had sort of promised to help in the kitchen. The food turned out ok (although not sufficiently spicy, since parts of the family seem to prefer food with almost no flavour at all), but the rest of the family-thing turned out as usual: My mother and her sister did their usual re-enactment of the Cold War – although maybe with a bit more bitterness than the real thing. Their hatred of each other often makes the mood of these family-events sort of depressed, and this was no exception.

So, when it was all done with, I went home, dropped of a few things and the headed over to D, armed with a large bottle of Leffe Blonde. The Belgian beer was accompanied with some Vana Tallinn Cream (sort of the Vana Tallinn version of Baileys) and all was well until we ran out of beer.

(Vana Tallinn is an Estonian liquor that I got acquainted with during a conference in Tallinn some years ago. Either you love it or you don’t. I do. Unfortunately I recently finished of my last bottle of it – but before it happened I had managed to get D hooked on the stuff. Getting him hooked turned out to be a wise decision, since he brought home a couple of bottles when he attended a meeting there recently.)

Since neither of us intended to call it a night we then headed for the H (aka the place we always end up at, at least when we’re not in Copenhagen) and immediately ordered a couple of their new stouts. Met some other friends there and just as it’s happened so many times before, it got very late and everybody got very drunk.

Suddenly one of my friends 20-year old little sister (who God knows why was there) started hitting on me, which I at first considered to be quite amusing, but later on actually started to consider as an alternative to sleeping alone.

However, being the nice guy that I am (or at least would like to believe that I am), I went to my friend and presented the situation to him: “Look O, your sister is coming on pretty hard on me…”

Most of my friends would probably prefer me not having a one-night stand with their sister (especially those with younger sisters) – but my friend O was surprisingly calm about. His words were something like “Hey it’s fine with me – you just go enjoy yourselves… eehh… I mean each other...” and then he went on hitting on a girl (who later turned out to be not only quite some years his senior but also the mother of two – I am so going to call step-father or some shit like that the next time I see him...)

Anyways I returned to my beer and my place at the bar and almost immediately my friend’s sister had placed her hands on certain less-than-appropriate places on my body. After wondering what to do for a few seconds I decided to act. The girl was not very good looking (but not unattractive either) but she was there and quite obviously more then interesting in some fun. Besides, sometimes it’s the plain-looking girls who are the most fun to make one-nighters with – since they often turn out to be better in bed than many of the almost-to-pretty girl that you normally dream of taking home for the night.

So while her hand was trying to sneak down my pants I leaned over at set something like: “so, are you going to stand like that forever, or should we just get out of here and F***?” The response was, as I had suspected it would be, very positive – and this is very I stop writing more about what happened next. But let’s just say that I did not get as much sleep as I had planned for at the beginning of the day.

At midday Saturday I went down to the local mall to meet two of my friends. We were going to the same party; one of our friends (let’s call him M) celebrating his successful defence of his thesis – and we needed to get a card and some other stuff for him

Keeping in line with how we normally always tease each other every time we get the chance, we had bought a very good bottle of rum, but then put in the case of some cheap-shit liquor so that M would fear the contents of the gift (and yes, he almost didn’t dare open it).

The party was mixture of M’s family and friends which I think is great when it works. With my family however it would never have worked out – I mean, I don’t think I would want to expose my friends to my f***** up family. But it was nice to see a family actually enjoying spending time together, instead of playing the Cold War.

It all started at about two o’clock in the afternoon, and I don’t think I left before after midnight – so it was fun, but OMG I’m so tired right now… I should probably head for my bed, since I for some reason accepted a meeting tomorrow (right know I really don’t understand why).

Besides I might need to do some thinking as well, since I relationship-vice is in a somewhat weird situation that I really don’t know how to handle. But will have to wait for another day.

And now it can’t be postponed any longer – I’m heading for the kingdom of dreams.