Sometimes coincidences are a strange thing...
Right now I am sitting with the laptop (which come to think of it seems quite obvious) and of course iTunes is playing random songs, and suddenly it selects Alicia Keys with Fallin'...
Now this happens to fit my state of mind quite good... 'caus I was actually just sitting and thinking about the Shy one. I haven't mailed with her for about a week I think - and I am really looking forward to hearing from her: Everytime I check my mailbox and find messages from what seems to be every other living being on the entire planet I get a bit disappointed...
When she gets back to the office I think I will have to call her... even got a good and work-related reason/excuse for it... but of course the real reason is to hear her voice, to try and figure out if it is only me thinking these thoughts... Also these days I'm keeping my fingers crossed - 'caus there might be a good reason for my work to ship me to Brussels soon (for a few days)... and in Brussels I've got friends I don't get to see often enough - but more importantly in Brussels there is the Shy one... And maybe, just maybe, I can find a way to go out with her... maybe even ask her on a date ... or at least make sure we can go to a bar with some of her girlfriends whom I also happen to know... one thing is for sure: I need to find out soon if there is a realistic chance for something between us or not.
"I keep on fallin ... iiiiinn..... in love...with a you/ Sometimes I love you/ sometimes you make me blue"
... Damn - it could almost be the soundtrack to my feelings these days... I haven't even been trying with any other girls since (not counting the Slovenian of course) the conference... og ok, to be honest there was two... but even then I didn't really try...
.... Hmmm I think I have to take care right now... so that I don't end up falling in love with the idea of falling for her... instead of listening to my feelings next time I see her... even though it is hard to do when you dream of her many nights.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
The Unexpected, the Cat, the Slovenian and the Shy one
It is strange - sometimes it seems like there are no girls even remotely interesting around, and at other times there are several girls on my minds. Though some of them are geographically closer than others - and that one if them is definetely not an option for anything but sex...
Right now there are primarily four girls:
The unexpected
Suddenly realized that the Unexpected is due back home quite soon. She has been posted in Brussels (funny how things seems to always be connected to that city) and last time I was there we met. First for lunch and then for just a beer with a couple of her friends. The friends eventually left, and suddenly something happened between us - which I guess surprised both of us. It certainly wasn't planned - and although I know she once was really interested in me, there has never been anything more than a few kisses and some remarks between us - other than the friendship.
What we are going to do now none of seems to know... and since she was almost done with her posting we sort of decided to not deal with until she came home - which will happen soon. And I really don't know what to think or feel about it.
Of course there is also a bit of a complication concerning the unexpted - a friend of mine has had a crush on her for years, and is for some reason still hoping for the possibility of a romance with her. It won't happen of course - since she is not in love with him... but sometimes it's hard to be rational when feelings are involved. However, it does complicate it all a bit. For now he is in the dark about the two of us... and if we decide to act on it when she gets back - we will probably still keep it hidden from him for some time.... but again that is if we act on it... shiiit, I'm confused about it
The Cat
It sort of happened a bit out of the blue, although we have been talking about it before - but next week I've got a lunch-date with the Cat. Wonder how that will turn out...
Just got to remember to behave - since I know her through a frien.
The Slovenian
I wrote a bit with the Slovenian on messenger the other day. Our 'conversation' made me wonder what I have gotten myself into - but also made me glad that apparently I am not the only one who has given it a thought after it happened.
We had not talked for long before the conversation was changed from 'Hey, how are you doing?' to something else:
The Slovenian: Do you miss it here?
Llama: Why? Do you miss me? ;-)
The Slovenian: :-) - well do you?
Llama: Hard not to - with the nature, the weather... and... well, you know ;-)
The Slovenian: Then come back!
Llama: Jawohl! - No seriously I am quite sure that I will
The Slovenian: Good!
The Slovenian: And when you do come - Call me! Seriously
... and the rest will be left out for reasons of privacy ;-)
But I know that I am going back there (not because of here... but because I like the place - and know some people there)... the question is just what to do with... well her? (not least if I am succesfull with the Shy one - or one of the others)
Well, guess time will tell - it will sort of have to, wont it?
The Shy one
Communications between us right now is mostly via mail - but can't really wait 'till she gets back to the office - so that I can invent some sort of excuse to talk to her on the phone (I've said it before - we are behaving like a couple of teenagers)... and then I've also got to work on the excuse to be sent to Brussels again (especially since a friend of mine is being posted there)
Is it really that strange that I am bit confused?
Right now there are primarily four girls:
The unexpected
Suddenly realized that the Unexpected is due back home quite soon. She has been posted in Brussels (funny how things seems to always be connected to that city) and last time I was there we met. First for lunch and then for just a beer with a couple of her friends. The friends eventually left, and suddenly something happened between us - which I guess surprised both of us. It certainly wasn't planned - and although I know she once was really interested in me, there has never been anything more than a few kisses and some remarks between us - other than the friendship.
What we are going to do now none of seems to know... and since she was almost done with her posting we sort of decided to not deal with until she came home - which will happen soon. And I really don't know what to think or feel about it.
Of course there is also a bit of a complication concerning the unexpted - a friend of mine has had a crush on her for years, and is for some reason still hoping for the possibility of a romance with her. It won't happen of course - since she is not in love with him... but sometimes it's hard to be rational when feelings are involved. However, it does complicate it all a bit. For now he is in the dark about the two of us... and if we decide to act on it when she gets back - we will probably still keep it hidden from him for some time.... but again that is if we act on it... shiiit, I'm confused about it
The Cat
It sort of happened a bit out of the blue, although we have been talking about it before - but next week I've got a lunch-date with the Cat. Wonder how that will turn out...
Just got to remember to behave - since I know her through a frien.
The Slovenian
I wrote a bit with the Slovenian on messenger the other day. Our 'conversation' made me wonder what I have gotten myself into - but also made me glad that apparently I am not the only one who has given it a thought after it happened.
We had not talked for long before the conversation was changed from 'Hey, how are you doing?' to something else:
The Slovenian: Do you miss it here?
Llama: Why? Do you miss me? ;-)
The Slovenian: :-) - well do you?
Llama: Hard not to - with the nature, the weather... and... well, you know ;-)
The Slovenian: Then come back!
Llama: Jawohl! - No seriously I am quite sure that I will
The Slovenian: Good!
The Slovenian: And when you do come - Call me! Seriously
... and the rest will be left out for reasons of privacy ;-)
But I know that I am going back there (not because of here... but because I like the place - and know some people there)... the question is just what to do with... well her? (not least if I am succesfull with the Shy one - or one of the others)
Well, guess time will tell - it will sort of have to, wont it?
The Shy one
Communications between us right now is mostly via mail - but can't really wait 'till she gets back to the office - so that I can invent some sort of excuse to talk to her on the phone (I've said it before - we are behaving like a couple of teenagers)... and then I've also got to work on the excuse to be sent to Brussels again (especially since a friend of mine is being posted there)
Is it really that strange that I am bit confused?
Monday, August 13, 2007
Not again!
Damn I’m so tired right now.
My weekend was spent in the other end of the country – and started with the wedding of a friend and colleague. At first it was a bit strange – it seemed like most of the friends and family of both the bride and the groom had never met before, and so hardly anybody knew anything substantial about the history of ‘the other side’. It was also strange since I also know the ex-husband of the bride and was asked by quite a few how he was doing – just like for some reason people expected me to know everything about the groom and his history.
It turned out great however – the wine was good and the food was great (well the cook used to own a restaurant that earned Michelin-star – so it should be). And there were actually lots of nice people there – which helped make it fun.
Only one thing seemed to be missing – available girls my age. There was only one, she turned up at the church in a stunning dress – and immediately my attention was caught. That lasted briefly however, since she hung around one of the guys a lot – so I kind of dropped the idea. But it quickly turned out it wasn’t because he was her boyfriend – he was her cousin. So suddenly the game was on again.
And yes – who was seated right in front of me? Her of course! So I thought Yes, sweet, here I am sitting with the most beautiful woman in front of me, she is 20-22, I am 26 – and no competition nearby. So we talked quit a bit, but then one of the other guys at the table asked her – well how old are you? And then answer kind of put a stop to the game really quickly – 17! Argh not again I thought – I could have sworn she was older, her body and the way she behaved all pointed to at least twenty, but no siree. So end of game, or at least almost – there was still room for small amounts of flirtation but nothing more than that. But hey it is probably also better – I mean I think my life is messed up enough on that point right now.
But hey, now I’ve seen how a socially functional family actually operates – and I must say: “I want one of those”. At least I think I do.
Anyway the following day I went to se a friend who lives nearby – and of course we ended up talking about this and that and drinking a bit too much wine. So today I have been drained of energy, but have somehow still managed to stay quite productive, God only knows how.
Now all I can think of is finding some food and then getting some sleep – I do so not want to go to work tomorrow.
Friday, August 10, 2007
How I envied that droplet of sweat
Funny thing how what seems to be the smallest and most insignificant things can make you stop and wonder.
While I was packing the bag for this weekend my hand stumbled upon something - half a pack of condoms. They probably slipped down in one of the pockets during my last use of the bag (and of the condoms). In itself nothing special - having some condoms lying around is after all quite a smart thing to do.
However these condoms made me think about the last girl I used them with - the Slovenian. A few hours earlier I had finally taken the time to browse through my photos from the conference (and not least all the sight seeing) - and there she was as well: the Slovenian. Standing in a stream in the forrest looking at me, smiling. I edited the picture, cut away the other people there so that in the end there was only her - standing and smiling to me.
I remember taking the picture; remember walking along the river with her on our way to the waterfall. This was early in our flirt - I actually think it was the time we found out how well we connected. Later it evolved and that was what came back to me when I found the rest of the condoms.
Suddenly I could close my eyes and see her very clearly: The belly piercing, her eyes - and the droplets of sweat that ran down her neck. I envied those droplets, she had a nice neck - and it was a nice journey down it.
But shit, why do I suddenly remember her this clearly? And why do I so long to feel her hands running up and down my back again - maybe because I know it probably won't happen again? (or maybe it will... you never know).
Or is it because it was passion more than feelings - and that I long for the sudden chemistry, the push-pull and the forgetting the age difference between us?
If not, could it be because of the contrast to my what-ever-it-is-I-have-going-with - with the Shy onethe Slovenian it was so much easier. We played the game but we both knew it. With the Shy one it is more difficult and slower - though we have been mailing together today as well.
OMG I could use that burning passion right now - just like I would be great if the Shy one had just a little bit of the daring and bad-girl attitude of the Slovenian.
But well let's see what the future brings (and how soon I can find and excuse to be sent to Brussels - so that I can hopefully close the deal with the Shy one.)...
While I was packing the bag for this weekend my hand stumbled upon something - half a pack of condoms. They probably slipped down in one of the pockets during my last use of the bag (and of the condoms). In itself nothing special - having some condoms lying around is after all quite a smart thing to do.
However these condoms made me think about the last girl I used them with - the Slovenian. A few hours earlier I had finally taken the time to browse through my photos from the conference (and not least all the sight seeing) - and there she was as well: the Slovenian. Standing in a stream in the forrest looking at me, smiling. I edited the picture, cut away the other people there so that in the end there was only her - standing and smiling to me.
I remember taking the picture; remember walking along the river with her on our way to the waterfall. This was early in our flirt - I actually think it was the time we found out how well we connected. Later it evolved and that was what came back to me when I found the rest of the condoms.
Suddenly I could close my eyes and see her very clearly: The belly piercing, her eyes - and the droplets of sweat that ran down her neck. I envied those droplets, she had a nice neck - and it was a nice journey down it.
But shit, why do I suddenly remember her this clearly? And why do I so long to feel her hands running up and down my back again - maybe because I know it probably won't happen again? (or maybe it will... you never know).
Or is it because it was passion more than feelings - and that I long for the sudden chemistry, the push-pull and the forgetting the age difference between us?
If not, could it be because of the contrast to my what-ever-it-is-I-have-going-with - with the Shy onethe Slovenian it was so much easier. We played the game but we both knew it. With the Shy one it is more difficult and slower - though we have been mailing together today as well.
OMG I could use that burning passion right now - just like I would be great if the Shy one had just a little bit of the daring and bad-girl attitude of the Slovenian.
But well let's see what the future brings (and how soon I can find and excuse to be sent to Brussels - so that I can hopefully close the deal with the Shy one.)...
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Two different types of flirtation
Flirtation comes in many different forms: Sometimes it feels natural and with sparks flying from the start - but sometimes it is more insecure, both persons wanting to flirt, but somehow not quite knowing how to make it start.
Looking back my romance with the Slovenian fell in to the first category while my what-ever-it-is with the Shy One definetely fits more with the second category. Some of was the difference between a one-night that is more passionate than normal and then an attraction both parts might not quite understand - but that might lead to an actual serious relationship:
I have been mailing and awfull lot with the Shy One these past few days - which of course is not the worst thing to do.
It has however been a strange way of mailing: Of course there has been the all to familiar work-related topics - but now mixed with more personal communications, but on a weird "we are 12 years old and don't really now how to behave in front of each other"-level. I wonder what it will be like when we are suddenly face to face again - and when that will happen... hopefully it will not be long. I know I will do what I can to be sent to Brussels for a meeting or something - or else I have to pay my self and come up with some sort of new excuse.
She is fascinating and not only because some of the guys at the Brussels office claim that she cannot be seduced, let alone taken to bed - but because she is both intelligent and independent and just has got that special something. Oh yeah and then of course she's got a killer body but apparently without even knowing it her self.
The case is, if I do end up doing something with her it should be more than just a fling - she is actual girl friend-material and I think I will probably have to find a way to let her know that before anything serious happens.
At the same time she is so different from the Slovenian - the other girl I was flirting with at the conference. They are so opposite, and yet I was attracted to them both - but in very different ways. It confused me a bit and actually still confuses me, but maybe it's a sign that I am finally opening my eyes and realizing the opportunities around me.
(Oh yeah and at the same time I am looking forward to the Slovenian coming back from holidays and logging on to messenger - 'caus that will definetely be an .... uhm.. interesting experience I think...)
But why am I writing and thinking about all this and in this way? Somehow it seems so much clearer to me that it used to do - even though there a definetely also complications that I haven't mentioned here yet. Could it be - am I on my way to overcoming my fear of being happy with girl (be it for a long time or just for a night)? Boy, that would be nice...
Looking back my romance with the Slovenian fell in to the first category while my what-ever-it-is with the Shy One definetely fits more with the second category. Some of was the difference between a one-night that is more passionate than normal and then an attraction both parts might not quite understand - but that might lead to an actual serious relationship:
I have been mailing and awfull lot with the Shy One these past few days - which of course is not the worst thing to do.
It has however been a strange way of mailing: Of course there has been the all to familiar work-related topics - but now mixed with more personal communications, but on a weird "we are 12 years old and don't really now how to behave in front of each other"-level. I wonder what it will be like when we are suddenly face to face again - and when that will happen... hopefully it will not be long. I know I will do what I can to be sent to Brussels for a meeting or something - or else I have to pay my self and come up with some sort of new excuse.
She is fascinating and not only because some of the guys at the Brussels office claim that she cannot be seduced, let alone taken to bed - but because she is both intelligent and independent and just has got that special something. Oh yeah and then of course she's got a killer body but apparently without even knowing it her self.
The case is, if I do end up doing something with her it should be more than just a fling - she is actual girl friend-material and I think I will probably have to find a way to let her know that before anything serious happens.
At the same time she is so different from the Slovenian - the other girl I was flirting with at the conference. They are so opposite, and yet I was attracted to them both - but in very different ways. It confused me a bit and actually still confuses me, but maybe it's a sign that I am finally opening my eyes and realizing the opportunities around me.
(Oh yeah and at the same time I am looking forward to the Slovenian coming back from holidays and logging on to messenger - 'caus that will definetely be an .... uhm.. interesting experience I think...)
But why am I writing and thinking about all this and in this way? Somehow it seems so much clearer to me that it used to do - even though there a definetely also complications that I haven't mentioned here yet. Could it be - am I on my way to overcoming my fear of being happy with girl (be it for a long time or just for a night)? Boy, that would be nice...
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
demoralized
This weather is demoralizing - I might still be sitting inside... but thoughts are already outside. I think they might be wandering around in the streets - enjoying the sun and quite possibly looking at cute girls - 'caus they sure as hell ain't here.
There are no obvious tasks to do... and I am not feeling terribly creative right now (which is a probably when being creative is part of your job-description)
In about an hour I know what to do - head down to some of the cafees near the water and enjoy a cold beer with a friend of mine. But until then?
I know I should be writing something - but what?
... well, better get back to (pretending to) work.
There are no obvious tasks to do... and I am not feeling terribly creative right now (which is a probably when being creative is part of your job-description)
In about an hour I know what to do - head down to some of the cafees near the water and enjoy a cold beer with a friend of mine. But until then?
I know I should be writing something - but what?
... well, better get back to (pretending to) work.
Monday, August 6, 2007
My friend the Sun
Since I have officialy dedicated this summer to writing on my thesis - and without much to show for it yet - the sun today has been god.
And why has the sun improved your thesis, dear Llama are you probably about to ask, so let me quickly answer: no, it is not because it i solar-powered thesis - it has actually got nothing to do with solar power at all.
But, when it is sunny I go out to the garden to read in the sun - and even if it is not writing on my thesis, it is still working it. When reading some of the gazilion volumes of books that have taken over my small home (helped along by the stacks of paper) at least my mind starts to focus on my thesis and on all the questions and answers and points that I need to include - and that's a good thing, isn't it?
It also gives me the feeling of at least doing something about it, and that actually makes it easier for me to write down notes and bits of the text for it.
... oh and then of course it improves my tan... and that is truly important! (living in a rather cold northern country the sun is something you can truly come to miss)
And why has the sun improved your thesis, dear Llama are you probably about to ask, so let me quickly answer: no, it is not because it i solar-powered thesis - it has actually got nothing to do with solar power at all.
But, when it is sunny I go out to the garden to read in the sun - and even if it is not writing on my thesis, it is still working it. When reading some of the gazilion volumes of books that have taken over my small home (helped along by the stacks of paper) at least my mind starts to focus on my thesis and on all the questions and answers and points that I need to include - and that's a good thing, isn't it?
It also gives me the feeling of at least doing something about it, and that actually makes it easier for me to write down notes and bits of the text for it.
... oh and then of course it improves my tan... and that is truly important! (living in a rather cold northern country the sun is something you can truly come to miss)
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